The Hangover
by Titania Took
Summary: 5 Times Dr McCoy Had To Dish Out An Anti-Hangover Hypo When He Didn't Expect To, And The 1 Time He Thought He Would Have To, But Didn't.


**A/N: HAPPY K/S DAY EVERYONE!**

**This is being posted in celebration of this day on which fangirls like myself are forced to admit we simply don't stand a chance with Spock, and celebrate his happiness with the character he was meant to be with instead. As I haven't managed to come up with a slashy plot-bunny in time, I give you this instead, which is only about as slashy as TOS (which is plenty).**

**But yes. Now, for the 5 times Dr McCoy had to dish out an anti-hangover hypo when he didn't expect to, and the 1 time he thought he had to, but didn't.**

….

1.

Doctor McCoy had never really thought Lt. Uhura the kind of person to get drunk enough to get a hangover, let alone one bad enough to need to brave the ire of the ship's infamously moody CMO to get a hypospray for it, but that assumption was proved wrong one unpleasant morning about six months into their mission, when she stumbled into sickbay making it quite explicit that "If you don't give me a hypo for this hangover RIGHT NOW, it will NOT be pretty!"

Unfortunately, the doctor was not quite quick enough, and got to experience first-hand exactly how un-pretty it was as she threw up all over his boots. The communications officer looked up sheepishly, and fled, shouting her apologies behind her once she was safely out of reach.

McCoy stared down at the mess on the floor. He was a doctor, dammit, not a cleaner!

2.

"Dammit kid, you're not old enough to drink yet! You shouldn't be coming to me for a hangover cure!"

The young navigator flinched at the loud noise, and looked up at him. "I am 18! And there is no drinking age limit in Russia. Just lots of Wodka!"

"18? Really? When?"

"Last night. There was a party, and you were inwited, but the Keptin said you didn't want to come." The poor kid was obviously quite upset about this. Bones honestly couldn't remember being invited to any party. Except…

_Kirk, already drunk by the looks of things, wandered in looking as though he was going to topple over at any moment. "Hey Bones," he slurred, "There's a great rave tonight planetside. Everyone'll be there. We'll have great fun! You coming?"_

"_No way in hell, kid. Now go away before I have to stab you with one of these." The drunken captain fled at the brandished hypospray, and the older man was left to rest in peace once more._

"Sorry kid. He never mentioned it was your party. I wouldn't have missed it for the world if I'd known." That, and the anti-hangover hypo, seemed to brighten the kid up, and he left distinctly bouncier, but not without thanking the doctor with a hug. The grumpy doctor had a soft side, and Chekov knew it.

3.

The ship's logical, emotionally controlled/repressed, depending on who you asked, immune to the effects of alcohol half-Vulcan was pretty much at the bottom of Bones's list of people he expected to turn up for a hangover-removing hypospray, so he was exceedingly surprised when he did one day. It took the doctor quite a while to work out what he was actually asking for, and when he finally did, he burst out laughing, much to the Vulcan's consternation.

"I assure you, doctor, this is not a laughing matter. I am operating at too far below optimum efficiency to actually calculate it, and the pain in my head is causing me severe problems in my emotional control." This much was evident from his strained tone of voice.

"How did this happen?" the human managed to splutter out between giggles.

Spock replied with the utmost sincerity: "The captain invited me to dinner and chess in his quarters and spiked my drink with chocolate."

"Chocolate, Spock?"

"Yes, Doctor. Chocolate. Its effects on Vulcans are similar to those of alcohol on humans."

"That rumour's really true?"

"Yes, Doctor. Now, if you please, the hypospray." There was clear irritation in his voice now. The Kirk-strangling incident had taught most of the crew of the Enterprise not to annoy an emotionally compromised Vulcan too much, and so he hastily stabbed Spock with the hypospray.

"And, of course, this explains why you are wearing one of our illustrious Captain's shirts."

Spock looked down in slight confusion. "Er… Yes."

"Change. Now. Yellow does NOT suit you."

4.

Nurse Macnab hadn't even made it onto his mental list of people he expected to have to give hangover cures to, she seemed so unlikely. And yet here she was, attempting to find one in the sickbay recently disorganised by Ensign Demmar-Waters. (Again.)

"Elinor, how did you get a hangover? You're nowhere near old enough to drink!"

She sighed. "Try explaining that to Kat."

The doctor groaned. Anything involving any of the ship's more troublesome Ensigns was cause for despair. "What happened?"

"She and Molly invited me to a party in their quarters to celebrate something I can't even remember, and force-fed me copious amounts of champagne, then wouldn't let me leave until I had tried several of her slightly crazy and wery strange-tasting cocktails, the least alcoholic of which was Romulan ale, mango ice tea, fruit syrup, Red Bull, bubblegum sauce, more champagne, and toothpaste."

"Toothpaste?"

"Yes. That was in all of them. Including the champagne."

"I'm impressed you survived that. I'm guessing you're wanting this." He passed her an anti-hangover hypo. "Do I need to worry about anyone else?"

She shook her head. "It was just me and those two, and I think they're fighting over the bathroom at the moment."

"Oh good. I'm sure they'll survive, and they deserve the hangover." Dr. McCoy could get quite protective over his nurses, especially the good ones. (Ensign Demmar-Waters didn't count). "It should keep the ship quiet for the rest of the morning."

"That's mean."

"But logical."

"True. Can I at least take them something for the hangover that'll knock them out for a couple of hours?"

"I like your thinking. So long as you stab them extra hard for me."

"Of course."

Bones grinned. This was going to be a nice, peaceful day.

5.

It was Uhura again. This time he wasn't taking any chances. The moment she entered sickbay he sprinted up to her, hypospray in hand, and stabbed her in the neck with it before she had a chance to say anything, or vomit again. When she did speak, it wasn't exactly the "thank-you" he had been expecting. It went more along the lines of an angry "What was that for?"

He stared blankly at her. "The hangover."

"It's the tribble that has the hangover, not me."

"What?"

"The tribble. It ate a lot of champagne truffles last night, and this morning it's been acting a little strange."

"You have a tribble on board the ship? And you're feeding it? Do you have any idea how crazily those things reproduce? Within days we'll be surrounded by millions of the things!"

Nyota did her best to placate the doctor, but it was not particularly effective, although he did stop flapping his arms about quite so much. "Don't panic. It's neutered."

That did calm him a little. "Still, I'm a doctor, not a vet. I don't know how to tell if a tribble has a hangover, let alone cure one!"

"Well, it shrieked when I turned the lights on this morning, and instead of cooing it sounds more like it wants to throw up."

Bones immediately stabbed it with another human anti-hangover hypo. He had bad memories involving Uhura and vomiting. The slightly podgy ball of fluff began happily cooing once more. "Well, that seemed to work."

The lieutenant left happily clutching the tribble, and the doctor was just becoming confident that it was now going to be a vomit-free day when a distinctly hungover looking ensign came up to him and threw up all over his shoes.

+1.

"Hey Bones!" the Captain called out as he wandered into sickbay. "OW! What was that for?" He rubbed his neck angrily where the doctor had just viciously hypoed him.

"The hangover. You know, that thing where your head hurts and you feel all sick."

"Yes, Bones, I know what one of them is. And I'm horrified you think so little of me! I'll have you know I had nothing to drink last night except some pink champagne ice-cream!"

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Maybe I just felt like talking."

"Oh really?"

The blonde let out a contemplative sigh. "It's about Spock. Lately, he's been-"

"No! NO! DAMMIT JIM, I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLOR! Go! Now!"

The brave Captain fled the crazed doctor chasing him with a hypospray, and sickbay was quiet once more. _I am almost definitely going to be the first person to successfully invent brain bleach, _Bones decided, and wandered off to ask the rest of his staff is they had any ideas as to where to begin.

…..

**A/N: Rewiew? Anyone who guesses what's wrong with Spock gets… something. Cameos? Fics? I'm afraid I don't have any Spirk plushies, and if I did I wouldn't give them away. But anyways… **


End file.
